And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
