all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
