my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
