I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
