having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
please don't ironically join a cult
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