When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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