I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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