Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
