cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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