I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he thought i was a dude.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
