I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
