Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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