so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
