Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
