# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
