Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
