Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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