My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
