So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
