They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
