Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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