So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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