Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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