Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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