Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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