i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
