I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
