THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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