16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
