i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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