end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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