a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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