I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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