you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
