I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
