so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
