First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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