I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
