sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
