the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We named our party play list daddy issues
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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