Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize