i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i've created a new STD.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
