I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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