I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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