my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
