she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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