Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
