Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
