Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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