I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
