Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
