she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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