the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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