Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
