he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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