please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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