Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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