We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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