So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
