His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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