A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
