Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
