I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
