at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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